By Abdulkadir Dahir Farah Aliyow (Gaabkey)

This piece of writing (advice) is meant for the Somali leaders (Members of the current government, The President and his Prime Minister, The Speaker of the Somali Parliament, Members of the Somali Parliament, Local regional leaders and all Somalis). If followed correctly, it would assist them to deal matters better next year.

I agree that nobody enjoys confrontation but one needs to remember that it is impossible to grow without it. Confrontations becomes daily occurrences in the lives of many Somalis, but have lost its value due to the influences of the discrimination practice of tribalism (Qabyaalat). Confrontation should not become unhealthy issue as this devalues the rich and important meaning of the word “to confront”. According to Oxford English Dictionary, it means “speaking the truth in a personal, face-to-face encounter with those we value”

Confrontation is not easy and it’s absolutely stressful event. But here are seven guiding principles to help all of us to deal with Confrontation better this coming year (2006).

1) DO not talk about the ones you want to confront but talk to them :
Confrontation is rarely done indirectly and seldom done in public using the media (internet or radio) to confront each other is destructive and unhelpful to the Somali society. An act which has become a habit for some Somali leaders. There must be clear thoughtful communication delivered firmly but graciously between the leaders.

2) Provide examples : Give specific examples. Do not hide behind “I believe I am from better and stronger tribe than yours which give me the power to see that you are wrong “. Keep your emotion in check. Remember we all have equal rights.

3) Show others the better way : Do not leave them to stew without clear directions on how to improve. That’s not fair and certainly not constructive. Actually it can lead to more intense issues and unwanted complications. The best approach is simply to identify the problem then clarify (suggest) ways it can be corrected. Your goal should be to help those you are confronting, not guilt- traps them.

4) Show compassion + understanding : Do not miss this Part! If you do, you will find yourself accusing rather than confronting. So approach others with love and genuine concern.

5) Be sure! Be sure there is a good reason to confront: Confrontations should be a rare event, not every day occurrence. You should not relish the experience of confronting others. If you do, stop and examine your motives. Are feeling superior? Are you one of those people who are suffering the disease of tribalism? This disease has been clearly explained by Mr Baldwin of Netherlands. He wrote “Clan loyalty in Somalia is so sacred that one will not hesitate to kill or hurt fellow citizen without giving a thought in its name. The clan is the Satan that the Somalis worship and where Satan rules, humans are subjugated to perform every undignified act without asking questions” ( Baldwin, 2005). Are you directing your anger over some other issues against this person? Are you lifting yourself up by putting others down.

6) Be specific : Do not leave the matter to speculation. Being vague leads to an uncertain outcome, no matter how tactful and gracious your words, make sure you know the reason for the confrontation, then make that reason clear to the other person.

7) Be sensitive : Pure Somali-like confrontation involves risking rejection. It calls for putting the person’s need for character above your own need for comfort. Without sensitivity, you are setting yourself up for problems. Make sure your words and tone fit the person you are dealing with. Pay careful attention to timing and choose your words carefully otherwise you will leave a bloody trail of wounded souls including yourself.

Let us take time to pray and seek Allah’s help on this matter. I want all Somalis to be winners. I wish you all a happy and peaceful new year. May Allah make the year 2006, a year in which all Somalis make recovery physically, emotionally, psychologically, socially, economically and politically.

Soomaaliyeey toosoo, toosoo, isku tiirsada e’!!!!!

References:
Baldwin A (2005) Tribalism, Hiiraan.com, The Hague, Netherlands
E-mail: [email protected]
Fowler, H (1995) The Concise Oxford Dictionary of Current English, London: Oxford University Press.

By Abdulkadir Dahir Farah Aliyow (Gaabkey)
Bsc, DipHE, Dip Counselling, RN, RGN,
Health & Social Affairs Correspondent
E-mail: [email protected]